Welcome to day three of After the Madness Workshop! Shelley Watters, Erica Chapman, the writers at YAtopia, and myself will critique the first 250 words of two brave writers’ manuscripts per day for the next seven to eight days. There are four blogs joining in to offer up suggestions. Click on my partners’ sites in my sidebar to view the other critiques.
And next up is …
B-5 Melanie Stanford
Our end—well that song was unfinished. Just notes, a few phrases, nothing complete. It was an experiment, an attempt. A beginning—in its own way. But it was our end. Or at least it was the soundtrack to our end.
Luckily, I never had to hear that song in its entirety. Maybe he gave up on it, maybe it was jinxed. Whatever the reason, I was glad I didn’t have to hear it blaring from the radio, our demise turned into a number one hit.
That didn’t stop me from hearing him though. Soon he was everywhere. I couldn’t avoid him. Sometimes I wanted to, wished I could, wished his voice would stop haunting me. But sometimes I listened, clutching my memories to my chest as if they were the most precious thing I owned.
It was almost a relief, when life got in the way. Then I didn’t have to make the choice. But hardly a day went by that I didn’t think of him, or hear him, at least once.
B’s notes: This is a great opening. Love this! But why not just say right out that Eric Wentworth is a famous singer and he wrote songs for her before he became famous? This is just my thought, and some one else may feel differently.
I hope this helps!
Remember this is subjective and others’ may feel differently. So I’ll now pass it on to the readers to critique. Please leave your comments, and remember the rules of critiquing … be nice, which I’m sure you all will be, but I have to say it … you know.