SEMI-FINALIST – 3

Name: Deana Barnhart
Title: Remembered
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
The only thing Jonas was completely sure of was that Mackenzie Shae was going to die. As he studied her walking along – practically bouncing – in step to the loud music still playing in the field behind her, he couldn’t help but stare. Not that Mackenzie intrigued him. No human had that affect on Jonas. They were way too predictable. Sure, she probably attracted a majority of the male population, but she was the whole reason this mess consumed him in the first place. That annoyance completely trumped how she looked.
           
Of course the bond between them continued to aggravate him as well. He didn’t have time to ponder over some typical teenagers innermost thoughts. So what if she turned misfit because her sister died? What difference did it make that the boy standing at her side, eyes caressing her face like they could actually feel her skin, loved her, and she didn’t return that love? Least of all did he enjoy that this link—which acted more like a shackle at times—forced him into caring.
           
What he needed to worry about now consisted of finding out when and how Mackenzie would leave this life, and why he was hers to begin with. It didn’t seem to him like she had anything extraordinary going for her.
As he waited for her to approach, many possibilities swam through his head in answer to those questions.  However, given all the ways he’d seen death take someone, he never, in the many centuries of doing his job, could have guessed he would actually be the cause.

3 comments to SEMI-FINALIST – 3

  • Jen

    Congratulations on making the cut!

  • Wooo – intriguing. Congrats!

  • Cat

    I found this interesting but also somewhat confusing. Is Jonas human? If yes what’s wrong with him? he seems very detached from the scene in front of him. You hint at many things but do I care about Mackenzie Shae? I’m not really sure. All I know about her is what Jonas tells us. I’d rather get to know her through active scenes. I don’t know if you use multiple POVs for this story. But if you do, you should probably start with a scene from Mackenzie Shae’s POV and then add this. It creates a good amount of mystery which would be ok if I cared for MS.

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