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PW #125: MG Supernatural Thriller: THE UNFORTUNATE ONES

Monday, 2 November 2015  |  Posted by Brenda

Pitchwars Badge (Square MG)

Manuscript Status: Finished

Mentor Name: Stacey Graham
Mentee Name: Phil Hickes
Title: THE UNFORTUNATE ONES
Category: MG
Genre: Supernatural Thriller
Word Count: 38,000

Pitch: 

Archie Miles thought battling his allergies was bad. But when he disturbs the restless Victorian spirits at his uncle’s church, he’s threatened by something far worse. Now he must fight to protect his uncle – and his only chance of help is six feet under.

Excerpt: 

Saint John The Baptist church can be found a few miles outside the old mill town of Scardale. It’s an odd location for a church, perched on top of a pudding-shaped hill that’s buffeted by the freezing bands of rain that sweep across northern England. Why it was built in such a bleak place is a question that has yet to be answered. Nobody had cars back in 1736 when the first stones were laid, and only the rich could afford horses. Had the town enjoyed a warm climate, its location would make perfect sense. Parishioners could then stroll to church in the morning sun, enjoying the birdsong and hum of the bees.

But this was Scardale.

Cruel, cold Scardale, a place of black houses, black skies and black souls. Some say the church was deliberately placed on top of an ancient ring of stones, where once, thousands of years ago, strange chants echoed in the night and throats were slit underneath the cold stars.

Others claim the Devil himself came to Scardale one All Hallows Eve and promised the architect a lifetime of riches in return for building the church where nobody wanted to go.

Rumours and stories.

Yet it’s true that few people come walking here after sundown. Not unless they want to go about their business unseen. Even in the daytime, it’s impossible to go for a ramble over the fields without glancing back over your shoulder every few minutes, the sense of being observed becoming too powerful to ignore.

 

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