Manuscript Status: Finished
Mentor Name: Nikki Roberti
Mentee Name: Allison Dillon
Title: STRIKE TWICE
Category: Young Adult
Genre: Sci-Fi Fantasy
Word Count: 99,000
Abducted by space thieves, an exiled girl discovers that while she may not be the “chosen one” to save her planet, she has the power to persuade the one who can. FIREFLY meets UNDER THE NEVER SKY.
Storms remind me of everything I will never be.
Clouds knit on the horizon. A splash of silver on a star-studded canvas. The sands dance, drawn into little vortexes, then brushed flat by gusts.
I smooth my star chart across my lap, legs dangling over the windowsill. The parchment corners flap as I double-check the new additions—a yellowish star to the north and a tiny, white one to the east. If I could pilot a starship, I would fly to them. There must be so much beyond here. So much I will never see.
“Elysia!” Mom’s voice carries from downstairs, and I scramble to catch my pencil before it rolls off the sill.
“Coming!” I retreat into my room, where the air smells like oil and spices. Parchment sheets cover the floor, some splattered with raindrops. Others torn and wrinkled. I shove them into a messy pile under my bed. My parents don’t need to know about all the daydreaming I do.
Fastening the waist of my stained apron, I rush down the stairs and emerge in the family tavern.
Forks clink and voices chatter. Travelers and villagers occupy every stool, stacked beside each other like the seasonings in Mom’s kitchen. Some sing and sway, spilling their drinks. Others hold quiet conversations, tucked in the room’s corners.
I weave through the crowd. Our regular customers wave, asking if I want to listen to their stories. Any other night, I would. Tonight I say, “Sorry, I have to help my mom.”
Really, I wish I was out in the storm.
This sounds great. Please send your query in the body of an email, along with the full manuscript and a synopsis (both attached). Please also include a link to this entry. You can send your materials to email@example.com. I look forward to reading!
What an impressive excerpt! Would you please send the full manuscript via this form?
All my best,
I’d love to read more! Please email me at penny[at]empireliterary[dot]com. Please put Pitch Wars and your book title in the subject line and attach your full manuscript! Thanks! Looking forward to reading!
Lovely writing — and I’m always on board for an UNDER THE NEVER SKY comp! I’d love to read more. Please send a query (in the body of the email) along with the first 50 pages as a Word doc attachment, subject line “Pitch Wars: [Your Title]” to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks, and looking forward to reading!
I love your voice, and the not chosen one idea! I’d love to read more. Please send the full manuscript as a word document to email@example.com. Thank you!!
You had me at FIREFLY and the “not chosen one” has been on my MSWL for awhile. It’s like you dipped directly into my mind! I may not be the only agent here at Nelson Literary Agency who wants to read your amazing work! If that is the case, please send just one email to firstname.lastname@example.org with PITCH WARS UPLOAD in the subject line. We will reply with our upload instructions, and then all the interested NLA agents will read and consider your manuscript. Thank you!”
You have a great voice and your excerpt is absolutely compelling – plus Firefly is very, very important to me, so I love the comp.I know I’m not the only agent here at Nelson Literary Agency who is excited to read this one! Please send just one email to email@example.com with PITCH WARS UPLOAD in the subject line. We will reply with our upload instructions, and then all the interested NLA agents will read and consider your manuscript. Thank you!
I love the comps, and definitely the inversion of the chosen one trope. Please query me at QueryMe.online/1067/PitchWars2017. Thank you!
Hi! I’d love to read more! Please email me at eparker [at] ldlainc [dot] com:
* Subject line: PitchWars Submission: YOUR BOOK TITLE
* Your query letter in the body of the email
* The full manuscript attached as a Word document
Allison, I love this opening! Please send the full manuscript as a Word doc or PDF attachment to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please also include your query letter in the body of the email, and Pitch Wars in the subject line.
I look forward to reading!
Rubin Pfeffer Content