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PW #222: Middle Grade Fantasy: THE LOOM OF FATE

Wednesday, 1 November 2017  |  Posted by Brenda Drake

Manuscript Status: Finished

Mentor Name: Neal Chase

Mentee Name: Scott Rhoades

Title: THE LOOM OF FATE

Category: Middle Grade

Genre: Fantasy

Word Count: 59,000 words

 

Pitch:

Transported back to the Viking era, twelve-year-old Banjo must learn to work with his school rival and resist the temptation to get everything he desires, or risk plunging the past and future into chaos.

Excerpt:

My parents should have named me Klutzy McDorkface. Some days everything went wrong, like ramming my bike into the back of a parked school bus.

I was already ten minutes late for my after school job at Swenson’s museum because my history teacher made me stay after for daydreaming in class. I didn’t want to let Mr. Swenson down. He was one hinge short of a nuthouse door, but he depended on me and always paid me. Not much, but every little bit helped since Mom and Dad split up. It’d be a fun job if Desmond didn’t work there too.

I unlocked my bike from the rack and rode through the school parking lot. Desmond stood by the curb, talking to Sally, the cutest girl in school. Why was she talking to Desmond? She smiled at me. Pointed and smiled at me. I did a double take, making my bike swerve.

I raised my hand to wave back, when WHAM!

I slammed into the back of the bus, right there in front of everybody. My books and papers flew into the air.

“Hey, Northgate,” Desmond said. “If you want to ride the bus, the door’s over here.”

I brushed myself off and picked up my stuff. I rode away like nothing happened, even though the front wheel wobbled so bad I barely managed not to fall over. At that moment, I would have given everything I had to be somewhere else, to be anyone but me.

 

Filed: PW Entries

One Comment
  • Danielle Burby says:

    I’d love to take a look at this! Please email me at querydanielle@nelsonagency.com and include the first twenty pages of your manuscript in the body of the email along with a one-page query letter. In the subject line, write REQUESTED QUERY (PitchWars) and the title of your project. This will help ensure that your query isn’t accidentally deleted or caught in our spam filter. I look forward to reading!

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