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Pitch Madness # B-15 YA Fantasy: BODYGUARDING EVIL

Monday, 12 March 2012  |  Posted by Brenda Drake


She is pure evil and has a plan to take over and control the world.  Thousands will do anything and everything to kill her.  There is only one problem.  I am her bodyguard.

A thin line of drool drips from a foot long tusk and almost falls on my head.  I hate drool.  I guess no one really likes it, but this slobber is even worse than what people imagine when someone thinks of saliva.  The drool is thicker than most slime with a horrible green hue.  The drool is horrible but the face it is coming from is worse.  Imagine an ugly hairy walrus but instead of tusks pointing down, they point up.  Then put this walrus head on top of a giant man.  The drool is flying off this ugly walrus because it is furious.  Luckily, for me I’m not the object of this madness.  I’m just a measly little assistant.  I’m no more than a gopher.

What is an assistant doing next to a salivating walrus headed giant?  I’m the assistant of the person Mr. Ugly is about to fight.

  • STNY says:

    I have a flush.

  • The pitch seems to have some sort of fervor of irony, but it somewhat falls short. Mainly because I know not if the body guard agrees with the slaying of evil incarnated… I can only interpret the sentence in that the BG is saying “they can dare mess with me.”

    I really like the paragraph proceeding. It goes through a funny moment and ends with pretty much everyone and this main character knowing what’s to come soon-time except for the walrus-man himself.
    It invokes an odd sense of schadenfreude.
    I’d like to know what personality this evil-incarnated is expressed as.

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