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Super Intern Contest – MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING

Wednesday, 13 June 2012  |  Posted by Brenda

Genre: YA Post Apocalyptic
Word Count: 66,000 

Query:

Eri sprints into the night seeking a beast that wants nothing more than to feast on her flesh. She knows this is suicide, but she can’t deny the pull. The Calling is too strong. As the beast’s claws reach for her throat, a Protector slices off its head, saving Eri from a bloody death.

The Protectors are River Island’s only defense against the monsters roaming the darkness. The clandestine guardians use the Calling—the internal link to the man-eating beasts—to watch over the village. Being a Protector is an honorable, secretive position, and one only fit for men.

While the link grows within Eri, she finds herself repeatedly drawn beyond the safety borders, hoping to satiate the rage flooding her veins. But without proper training, the beasts will destroy her. And as a girl, Eri’s not allowed the education to become one of the Protectors.

Beast encounters increase. Villager deaths rise. Eri must secretly learn the skills to fight before the Calling sends her to an early grave.

MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING is a young adult post apocalyptic novel complete at 66,000 words. Readers of Kimberly Derting’s THE BODY FINDER and Maggie Stiefvater’s THE SCORPIO RACES will connect with Eri’s journey—a teenage girl shunned from the only trade that can give her the tools to control her inexplicable connection to seek out evil.

250-word excerpt:

Going to the river was forbidden.

I knew this, yet I stepped off the gravel path and walked into the field. With teeth clenched, I sucked in rapid breaths, enough to nearly taste the crisp grass beneath my feet.

The thudding inside my ribcage screamed at me to turnaround. Stop, Eri!

Early moonlight sparkled off the few remaining patches of snow. I should have paid attention to nature’s signal. Even the winter knew better than to dwell this close to the safety border.

A gong sang out across the village, ringing through my insides.

The warning bell.

I glanced over my shoulder at the hazy silhouettes of people fleeing for refuge, their shouts dying in the distance. I should have turned back. But the charcoal sky and inky river pulled me forward.

Adrenaline flooded my veins, propelling my legs faster. My brain searched for one sane thought to stop my muscles from carrying me out there.

Suicide. This is suicide!

Conflicting thoughts swirled through my head. I squeezed my eyes shut against the confusion and pressed my hands over my ears, begging the pounding inside to leave me alone. “Please stop, please stop, please stop,please stop, please stop—”

Something broke through the tree line, blurry with speed, eerily dark, features impossible to decipher.

Logic told me to turn and run for my life, but my feet rooted to the frosty ground.

A blanket of anger draped over my world, muffling sound, wrapping me in rage.

Filed: Contests, Misc

One Comment
  • QUERY

    This first paragraph reads like the beginning of a story? It was a bit off-putting. The content was good though. This query was a bit hard to follow. I think there’s good content, but it needs to be reworked for clarity.

    250

    This isn’t a bad beginning. I like the tension you’re setting up here, but I’m not a fan of her self talk. I’d rather you show me that she’s freaked out and thinks it’s suicide. Or maybe just lowering the amount? Also I’d like to know what the gong was warning them about? The last few sentences in this set up some good stuff. I’m not sure there’s enough for me to keep reading.

    Thanks for sharing your work ;o)

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