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Super Intern Contest – FIRE’S KISS

Wednesday, 13 June 2012  |  Posted by Brenda Drake

Genre: Romantic Fantasy

Word Count: 98,000

Query:

Being a half-demon isn’t easy. Neither is being wooed by a mask-wearing warlord with vengeance on his mind.

Embyr tends her tavern and maintains her quiet life while keeping her dangerous parentage a secret until she’s attacked by a hellhound and saved by one of the most feared men in history.

For the last eight hundred years, Romeo McLennon, the infamous leader of Death’s Horsemen, has used his army to hunt the vampire who killed his wife. Long devoid of any emotion save hate, he’s earned a reputation as a murderous madman. But in Embyr, he discovers something that could turn the tide of battle in his favor. Her control over fire can reduce an enemy to ash and her flipped disregard of him heats his blood in ways no one ever has. She’s beautiful, powerful and completely different from her violence-loving brethren.

Embyr finds herself thrust into a war she wants no part of, targeted by a vicious vampire because of her cooperation with Romeo. As she tries to use her power over fire without letting the madness of her race overcome her, she also has to fight her attraction to a killer bent on her seduction.

In a battle that has spanned eight hundred years and an entire continent, two people struggle to overcome their pasts before an ancient evil tears them asunder.

Fire’s Kiss is a 98,000 word romantic fantasy. The first chapter of Fire’s Kiss was chosen for First Runner-Up in Writerstype.com’s March contest. Thank you for your time.

250-word excerpt:

“Death’s Horsemen are in town.”

The tankard slipped from her hand and fell back into the soapy water. Embyr frowned and pushed her sleeve higher,rooting around the wash basin. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking,” Katrina said.“People say they’ve been seen in the streets at night.”

“People say a lot of things that aren’t true.” She retrieved the tankard and dunked it in fresh water to rinse the soap away. “If the Horsemen were here, half the city would already be inflames.”

“I don’t see how you’d know.” Kat snorted as she took a drink.

“Surely someone would have said something by now.” Embyr put the tankard on the bar to dry and turned to her friend.

“And who would that someone be?” Kat glanced over her shoulder at the tavern’s empty common room. “That’s why it’s slow tonight. People don’t want to venture too far from home.”

“You did.”

“Only because I know you enjoy my company so much.”

“If there are Horsemen in Al’Din and they happen to wander in here, I doubt they’ll do more than spill their ale.” Embyr dried her hands and looked around the room, at the vacant tables and neatly arranged chairs. It had been slow tonight, though she doubted it had anything to do with the Death’s Horsemen. While her tavern wasn’t an unreasonable distance from the city proper, most of her business came from people entering or leaving Al’Din. Perhaps it was merely a slow night for travelers.

Filed: Contests, Misc

4 Comments
  • Anonymous says:

    Want to read all of it! !! Sounds intriguing so far. Very descriptive writing.

  • Watch that word count, make sure it stays under 100K.

    QUERY

    I love how you start this! This query was easy to follow and explained the details well. There’s good set-up of the tension. Is this a duel POV? If not, I would be careful about his POV in the query.

    250

    There are some agents that don’t like the dialogue start. It can be jarring, especially when we don’t know who’s saying it until the third paragraph. I’m wondering if you can just go ahead and say who says it? I like the dialogue exchange between them, but I’d like to get more of a sense of the environment. Just some small details. You tell us a little at the end of the 250, but I’d want to see it sooner. I like the details like her dropping the tankard to tell us how she feels about hearing the news. I would have kept reading.

    Thanks for sharing your work ;o)

  • Thank you! I’ll be putting your advice into effect right away!

  • You’re very welcome ;o)

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