Have questions about submitting to Pitch Wars or just want to know what it is? Start here!

Blog

Super Intern Contest – DAUGHTER OF THE MOON

Wednesday, 13 June 2012  |  Posted by Brenda Drake

Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
 Word count: 57,000

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Selina Kane always knew she was different, but never imagined she was last-living-necromancer different.Not until she starts speaking the language of the Underworld and visiting Acherusian Lake in her dreams. Caught between chasing a destiny she doesn’t yet understand and wanting to protect her parents, she leaves home on across-country bound Greyhound bus. A few stops into the journey, Blake storms into her life, charming his way into the seat next to her and making her blush and stumble over her words.

Blake claims to be her bonded protector. And as if that wasn’t hard enough to believe, he tells her that she’s immortal and has lived through many lifetimes before this one. At first,she doesn’t believe him, but Blake knows all about the place of her dreams: the Underworld, and not really a dream at all. And that moon-shaped birthmark she’s never shown anyone? He knows about that, too. There isn’t much time to decide whether or not to trust him; Selina is in danger. Ciara, queen of the undead,is determined to murder the last living necromancer before she can take up her traditional duties and cleanse the living of the undead.

Selina doesn’t have time to process everything Blake has told her, or to completely sort out her feelings for him,before Ciara’s undead attack. She watches helplessly through the only spell she can conjure – a protective shield – as Blake is dragged away in her place.Selina assumes the undead have murdered him and she turns to the necromantic powers she hardly knows how to use, risking her life to search for Blake in the Underworld. But Selina doesn’t find his soul resting peacefully in Acherusian Lake. Blake’s been transformed into one of the undead, and the guards of the Underworld expect her to find and destroy him.

Selina doesn’t care what the guards’ idea of her duty as a necromancer is;she’s determined to get Blake back in one piece. There is one spell, one that would save Blake’s soul, but she’d have to kill him to use it,and worse, transform him into a ferryman for the Underworld. There may be other ways to save him though, if she’s willing to make dark alliances with the undead. Selina knows she shouldn’t, but with Blake’s life in jeopardy, the line between good and evil starts to blur.

DAUGHTER OF THE MOON: ACHERUSIAN BOUND is a YA Urban Fantasy complete at 57,000words and will appeal to readers of both Garth Nix and Lauren Kate. It is a stand-alone novel with series potential.

250-word excerpt:

As far as Selina knew, she was the only seventeen-year-old with her own burial plot. And once a year, she looked forward to nothing so much as visiting her grave. She’d stared at the glowing red digits of her clock all night, picturing the cemetery in her mind, until finally, the alarm went off. She’d already been dressed beneath her comforter so all she had to do was pull on a sweatshirt and slip into her sneakers and she was ready to go.

She hurried downstairs, darted through the kitchen, and quietly closed the front door behind herself with outdrawing any attention. But before Selina could get to her bike, her older sister appeared from around her car where she had been strapping their twin brothers into car seats.

“I have to get these two to a doctor’s appointment, but I can drop you off at school first. Since it’s your birthday,” Jess said, jingling the keys to the old Chrysler she’d inherited from Grandpa last summer. It had been two years since Jess’s decision to take a year off after high school. Selina wouldn’t make the same mistake. She was leaving for college this summer, which meant this would be her last chance to visit her grave for at least four years.

“Thanks, Sis, but actually, I want to visit my mother on the way so I’ll just ride my bike.”

Only fifteen minutes until sunrise.

“We can stop at the cemetery on the way home,” Jess offered.

I should already be there.

Filed: Contests, Misc

One Comment
  • After reading the query, I’m not sure you’re looking at an Urban Fantasy? Where is the urban part? Sounds Paranormal to me, but if it is urban, then you may want to have something about the city in your query. I could be wrong.

    QUERY

    I like that first line, but there is a lot going on in this query. Too much, I think. Get down to the basics and outline that. I had trouble following all the stuff that happens to Selina. After reading it the second time, I get more of an idea, but you still want to make it clearer what the plot is about. Just pick the really important stuff and entice us to want to read more.

    250

    I like the punch of the first sentence. I also like the idea of her going to a graveyard, but nothing really jumps out at me and keeps me hooked. I think there’s some un-needed backstory after she sees her sister. Keep the action going. We can learn all that later. You don’t want to stop us before you’ve even shown us what’s going on. I didn’t see enough for me to read more than this. Concentrate on keeping us in the action before telling us about stuff and it should help.

    Thank you for sharing your work ;o)

Leave a reply

Disclaimer:

We’d love your comments but ask that you please keep it polite. Although your views are definitely your own, we do not condone harassment or bullying and don’t want to see it here. We reserve the right to delete any comments for any reason, including being abusive, profane or off topic.

IMPORTANT!
We're thrilled at the different ways those in our Pitch Wars community are giving back—and we encourage them to do so. However, please keep in mind that Pitch Wars is not affiliated with any of these various contests, promotions, etc., including those of our mentors and mentees. Promoting any such opportunities via our social media channels doesn't imply endorsement or affiliation. We encourage you to do your research before participating.

Pitch Wars takes a stand. ANTI-BULLYING. Click here to review our policy


Check out our 2018 list of Participating Agents

Blog Archives

Blog Categories