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PW #301: Young Adult Thriller: FLASH MOB MURDERS

Friday, 4 November 2016  |  Posted by Nikki Roberti

Manuscript Status: Finished

Mentor: Dawn Ius
Mentee: Kimberly Gabriel
Title: FLASH MOB MURDERS
Category/Genre: Young Adult Thriller
Word Count: 78,000

Pitch:

Amateur vigilante, Lia Finch, vows to take down the flash mob that murdered her father. But when she follows a lead to Chicago’s Navy Pier and dozens of mobbers ambush a new victim, she soon realizes the deadly consequences behind her obsession. 

Excerpt:

Damp air scrapes my throat and burns my lungs every time I inhale. It’s too heavy and cold for this time of year. Not that anyone else seems to mind. Instead, hundreds of tourists taunt me with their perfectly capable lungs as they flock about Navy Pier like it’s the only acceptable place to celebrate Labor Day weekend. 

Their impulses are flawed like that. They come from places like Plainfield, Iowa and Hartville, Ohio where I’m sure they lead normal lives. But here, tourists become hoarders of magnets and sweatshirts and shopping bags plastered with Chicago’s emblem. They amble along with their blithe expressions, marveling over the city’s height and the way its buildings shimmer on a gray day like today. They eat Dot’s ice cream, take pictures of the new Rejuvenation mansions along Lake Michigan, and ignore the warnings about walking in groups fewer than four.

They’re easy targets—all of them.

My chest tightens, forcing the air out of my lungs. I glance at my purse slumped beside me on the weathered slats of the bench. As tempted as I might be to reach for my inhaler, today is not the day to show that kind of weakness. I pull the sleeves of my sweater over my palms and pick up the Truman Capote book in my lap. I begin to reread the same paragraph I’ve read a dozen times in the two hours since I’ve arrived. But before I finish the second sentence, I’m already distracted, wondering which of these tourists is about to die. 

Filed: Pitch Wars

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