Brenda’s critique winners from The Teenaged Nitpick Event

The winners by Random.org for the five 500 word critiques from me from the Teenaged Nitpick critique event are:Eric SteinburgMeaganAdrianne RussellBeck NicholasCrystal Collier

Congratulations! Please send any 500 word excerpt from your manuscript or query for critique to brendadrakecontests@gmail.com.

Coming up on the blog…

Win a copy of TWO AND TWENTY DARK TALES: Dark […]

Announcing…Trick or Treat with Agents Contest

I’m thrilled to announce a very exciting and delicious contest that I was invited to co-host with the extremely talented Kimberly Chase and Deanna Romito.

Submissions will open October 24th at 11 AM EDT with the first 150 entries making it in (all rules must be followed correctly to advance). Each host will […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 9

Title: THE SHADOW KINGS Genre: YA fantasy The bayou stinks of blood tonight [something about blood “stinking” sounds odd to me. I’m not sure why, but it sticks out.], as if all the fish were dead. Blech. I plug my nose as tight as I can. If I had my way, I’d be […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 10

Title: GUARDIANGenre: YA Urban Fantasy

Jesse is hunted. [Killer first line! Pun intended.]

After spring break, eyes lingered on him and left dead boys wherever we went [I’d switch this sentence around so it says “Wherever he went, dead boys were left” or something else not so passive]. The murders are messages that if […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 8

Title: RIP HER TO SHREDS Genre: YA contemporary In the green room, she’d be herself again. [Nice first line!] Away from the cymbals clanging in her ears and the bass throbbing in her belly [“throbbing in her belly” is a weird phrasing to me… Maybe just say “the pulse of the bass”?], she’d […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 7

Title: BETTER LIVES Genre: YA sci fi When Gil and Lew came to my dorm room with the idea of stealing the physics final, I normally wouldn’t have considered such a dumbass move. [I’m still trying to decide how I feel about this. On one hand, I like the voice, but for some […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critiques: 5

Title: A QUESTION OF FAITH Genre: YA Paranormal The attic door was always secured and padlocked, but now the stairs hang down into the hallway like a lolling tongue from a particularly dark and dusty mouth. [So, this is unnecessarily wordy in my opinion. Your opening has to be strong and punchy. I’d […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 6

Title: BEYOND CHAINS AND STARS Genre: YA Sci-fi Creatures of the sky are not meant to be in water, yet here I am. All because I made a stupid dare with my brother. Again. [Yes! Love this opening.] As the warm water closes around me, crushing my mothwings to my back, I fight […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 3

Title: SPARKLE Genre: YA Contemporary So I finally scored a date with Kyle Baldwin. [I like the voice!] I wiggled out of my Seven jeans and tossed my T-shirt to the floor. “It’s perfect.” And standing in front of the full-length mirror, I digged what I saw. [So I changed this sentence up; […]

The Teenaged Nitpick Critique: 4

Title: Terrorist Dawn

Genre: YA Thriller I take a deep breath and settle the crosshairs on the man I’m about to kill. I have made this shot hundreds if not thousands of times. Just not in real life only in video games. I have never killed a man before. I’ve never even been […]